Greetings and Salutations!

Yep, it’s me, I’m still here. I have been blog deficient, but I’m still here. And since it’s been so very very long since we have connected, I thought I’d throw everything at the wall that I have been up to in the last few months and get us all up to speed in one fell sloppy swoop. Cool? Let’s do this…

-Wallbanger became a bestseller. Shit yes. It’s still unreal to me that my tombstone will one day read “USAToday Bestselling author Alice Clayton Pattinson lies here”. (See what I did there?) We sold 100,000 copies of Wallbanger last December and holy sheet we made the USAToday best seller list! Technically we should have made NYT as well as we sold as many and some cases MORE than other ebooks that made the list, but apparently they don’t always take sales figures but use a difficult and mysterious system of runes and crow feathers to determine which books make The List. Difficult to understand, something to do with small ebook publishers not always getting noticed blah blah blah, who cares? Bitter, party of NONE.

-Because of you, Dear Reader, Wallbanger and The Redhead Series caught the attention of the Big Six New York Publishers and this little piggy went to auction! This past January my entire backlist went to auction and Simon and Schuster was the amazing balls-to-the-walls publisher that won the rights to publish little ole me. And by publish I mean we’re going to print ladies and germs, Wallbanger and The Redhead Series will be available in bookstores everywhere! Walbanger will be rereleased August 13 2013, The Unidentified Redhead will be rereleased October 22, 2013, The Redhead Revealed will be rereleased November 19 2013, and (cue trumpets) The Redhead Plays Her Hand (loooooong awaited Book 3) will be released December 24 2013! Yep, this Christmas Eve, Jack will be nipping more than your nose…

I can’t tell you how amazing this whole ride has been, and this Fall is gonna be hella busy. Book tour? Yep, stay tuned for when I’m coming to your town. Heh heh, I said coming…

-Have Boobs, Will Travel. This past January, I headed out to Los Angeles to shoot a pilot for a new travel show that I created with my besties Keili Lefkovitz, Brittany Gibbons, and my new favorite guy Greg Grunberg. The 5 days we spent together was a shit show/trainwreck of epic proportions. Seriously, this show has to make it to air because it’s just too fucking fun. Imagine the three us at the Bel Air fire station, Venice Beach juggling chainsaws, watching the Men of Hollywood shake their junk in our face (uncomfortable) and Grunberg trying to rein us all in. Yeah, pretty fucking great. Now we’re in the editing process, getting ready to pitch to networks and the footage is fantastic. Stay tuned for more on this, and when we’re coming to your town!

-Wallbanger, The Movie? Yep, homie’s got a film agent, the lovely and talented Michelle Weiner at CAA, and we’ve already received several offers to take Wallbanger off the pages and onto the silver screen. Can’t say too much yet, but more to come.

-Wallbanger goes global! Yes, this Fall look for Wallbanger to be printed in France, Spain, Indonesia, Brazil, Hungary, Czech Republic, and more! The list keeps growing of foreign publishers that want to translate and publish Wallbanger around the world. And we know how much he likes to travel…

-Brittany Gibbons scores a Google Chat show! My wonderfully funny partner in HBWT crime has been tapped to host her own show on Google Plus, Last Call, and she asked me to come on board as a weekly panelist! I could not be more proud of my friend, and more excited to spend time with you crazy people every Thursday at 10pm EST (9pm CST). Make sure you get in early, this is gonna be fun.

-I quit my day job! as of April 1st, I now make my living solely as a full-time writer, and that is something I never ever ever ever ever entertained as something that could be real. But it is. The fact that my own brand of ridiculous is paying the rent? Amazeballs. Thank you so much for this opportunity, never in my wildest dreams did I think this would be my reality. I’ve got many irons in the fire, and lots of new writing projects that I am working on, so get ready.

-And into the midst of all this fantastic a little sad shall fall. This January, Mr. Alice and I made the decision to put our beloved Bailey Marie to sleep. She was with me 21 years. This cat traveled all over with me, sharing 3 college apartments with me, driving across the country to Los Angeles and back when we lived there after college. She moved with me to Des Moines IA, Charlotte NC, and back to St. Louis again. If you loved Clive, you loved Bailey without even knowing it. I still catch myself looking for her when I come home sometimes, and our other furry kid Gracie looked for her for weeks. We are getting ready to bring 2 new furry kids into our home so Gracie has sisters again, but there will never be another Bailey for me. She was my first pet I had as an adult, and I was incredibly lucky to have been chosen by her to be her person. I miss that Calico something fierce.

So that’s it chickens, that’s the last 4 months in a nutshell. Mr. Alice and I are moving this weekend and we are looking forward to a whole new set of adventures. Thanks for going on this ride with me, we’ve got so much more to do. Let’s get started, and Welcome Back to the Crazy.