Welcome Back! 4 Months, In Review

Greetings and Salutations!

Yep, it’s me, I’m still here. I have been blog deficient, but I’m still here. And since it’s been so very very long since we have connected, I thought I’d throw everything at the wall that I have been up to in the last few months and get us all up to speed in one fell sloppy swoop. Cool? Let’s do this…

-Wallbanger became a bestseller. Shit yes. It’s still unreal to me that my tombstone will one day read “USAToday Bestselling author Alice Clayton Pattinson lies here”. (See what I did there?) We sold 100,000 copies of Wallbanger last December and holy sheet we made the USAToday best seller list! Technically we should have made NYT as well as we sold as many and some cases MORE than other ebooks that made the list, but apparently they don’t always take sales figures but use a difficult and mysterious system of runes and crow feathers to determine which books make The List. Difficult to understand, something to do with small ebook publishers not always getting noticed blah blah blah, who cares? Bitter, party of NONE. ;)

-Because of you, Dear Reader, Wallbanger and The Redhead Series caught the attention of the Big Six New York Publishers and this little piggy went to auction! This past January my entire backlist went to auction and Simon and Schuster was the amazing balls-to-the-walls publisher that won the rights to publish little ole me. And by publish I mean we’re going to print ladies and germs, Wallbanger and The Redhead Series will be available in bookstores everywhere! Walbanger will be rereleased August 13 2013, The Unidentified Redhead will be rereleased October 22, 2013, The Redhead Revealed will be rereleased November 19 2013, and (cue trumpets) The Redhead Plays Her Hand (loooooong awaited Book 3) will be released December 24 2013! Yep, this Christmas Eve, Jack will be nipping more than your nose…

I can’t tell you how amazing this whole ride has been, and this Fall is gonna be hella busy. Book tour? Yep, stay tuned for when I’m coming to your town. ;) Heh heh, I said coming…

-Have Boobs, Will Travel. This past January, I headed out to Los Angeles to shoot a pilot for a new travel show that I created with my besties Keili Lefkovitz, Brittany Gibbons, and my new favorite guy Greg Grunberg. The 5 days we spent together was a shit show/trainwreck of epic proportions. Seriously, this show has to make it to air because it’s just too fucking fun. Imagine the three us at the Bel Air fire station, Venice Beach juggling chainsaws, watching the Men of Hollywood shake their junk in our face (uncomfortable) and Grunberg trying to rein us all in. Yeah, pretty fucking great. Now we’re in the editing process, getting ready to pitch to networks and the footage is fantastic. Stay tuned for more on this, and when we’re coming to your town!

Greg Grunberg Flips Me Off

Alice & Keili

Alice & Brittany

-Wallbanger, The Movie? Yep, homie’s got a film agent, the lovely and talented Michelle Weiner at CAA, and we’ve already received several offers to take Wallbanger off the pages and onto the silver screen. Can’t say too much yet, but more to come. ;)

-Wallbanger goes global! Yes, this Fall look for Wallbanger to be printed in France, Spain, Indonesia, Brazil, Hungary, Czech Republic, and more! The list keeps growing of foreign publishers that want to translate and publish Wallbanger around the world. And we know how much he likes to travel…

-Brittany Gibbons scores a Google Chat show! My wonderfully funny partner in HBWT crime has been tapped to host her own show on Google Plus, Last Call, and she asked me to come on board as a weekly panelist! I could not be more proud of my friend, and more excited to spend time with you crazy people every Thursday at 10pm EST (9pm CST). Make sure you get in early, this is gonna be fun. ;)

-I quit my day job! as of April 1st, I now make my living solely as a full-time writer, and that is something I never ever ever ever ever entertained as something that could be real. But it is. The fact that my own brand of ridiculous is paying the rent? Amazeballs. Thank you so much for this opportunity, never in my wildest dreams did I think this would be my reality. I’ve got many irons in the fire, and lots of new writing projects that I am working on, so get ready.

-And into the midst of all this fantastic a little sad shall fall. This January, Mr. Alice and I made the decision to put our beloved Bailey Marie to sleep. She was with me 21 years. This cat traveled all over with me, sharing 3 college apartments with me, driving across the country to Los Angeles and back when we lived there after college. She moved with me to Des Moines IA, Charlotte NC, and back to St. Louis again. If you loved Clive, you loved Bailey without even knowing it. I still catch myself looking for her when I come home sometimes, and our other furry kid Gracie looked for her for weeks. We are getting ready to bring 2 new furry kids into our home so Gracie has sisters again, but there will never be another Bailey for me. She was my first pet I had as an adult, and I was incredibly lucky to have been chosen by her to be her person. I miss that Calico something fierce.

So that’s it chickens, that’s the last 4 months in a nutshell. Mr. Alice and I are moving this weekend and we are looking forward to a whole new set of adventures. Thanks for going on this ride with me, we’ve got so much more to do. Let’s get started, and Welcome Back to the Crazy. ;)



The Simon Wallbanger Giveaway #12DaysOfWallbanger

Galliano

On the 11th Day of Wallbanger, my Alice gave to me…a bottle full of Simon flavored love!

Greetings pals and gals! I have missed you all so much, but while I have been a little radio silenced for a bit, I’ve been thinking about you. And writing you some smuttitty smut smut, so a thousand pardons. But do I have something fun for you today! Remember when Simon and Caroline made some Harvey Wallbangers? Well now you can have your very own version of the Simon Wallbanger cocktail. Hells yes you can! You can sip your Simon Wallbanger slowly, you can down him quickly and feel him warm you up. Ladies choice really.

The wonderful folks over at Galliano L’Autentico have not only agreed to give away (enter below) a bottle of the good stuff, their fantastic mixologist Anthony Pullen created just for you a new cocktail, the Simon Wallbanger. Here’s how you make him…err…it:

In an ice-filled Collins glass pour the following:

  • 1.25 oz Galliano L’Autentico
  • 2 oz Pineapple Juice
  • Top with Sparkling Wine (try using Cali Champagne, since our boy Simon is now a California boy)
  • Garnish with leaf from top of pineapple and serve
  • *add a little more pineapple juice if you like a lighter taste

(Hint – You can also serve this in a punch bowl garnished with vanilla, orange peels, lemon peels and a little star anise.  This way you can share your Simon.)

How’s that for fantastic? Mr. Alice and I mixed up a batch of these one night while wrapping presents and mmmm. Lovely. Thank you so much again to the great folks over at Galliano, look for more exciting news about this partnership in the new year!

Tomorrow is the last day of #12DaysofWallbanger, and it’s a doozy. We’re giving away the one item that’s central to Wallbanger and the relationship between Simon and Caroline: a KitchenAid mixer chickens…dun dun dun. *cue dramatic lighting*

So make sure you come play tomorrow over on BrittanyHerself.com and get yours!

One last thing. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my tiny Grinch heart for the love and the silly you have poured out all over me and my brand of ridiculous. I can’t tell you what every review, every email, every tweet has meant to me. I hope you have a wonderful Holiday! I’ll be seeing you soon, with a Wallbanger outtake or two. ;)

a Rafflecopter giveaway



12 Days Of Wallbanger: Get Your Stocking Stuffed With Simon This Year!

Hello everyone! I can’t wait to tell you all about the giveaways we’re going to have going on this month, we are traveling through cyberspace to wonderful and exciting blogs to bring you the very best that Wallbanger has to offer. But first, something amazing…

You. You are amazing. Because of readers like you, we raced up the Amazon charts this week (#3 today!). We did in one week what I never thought we would do in 6 months, and it’s because of you. Thank you for enjoying my particular brand of ridiculous, it’s made me so gosh dang happy. And the bonus? So many of you have newly discovered The Redhead Series now too! I love seeing the comments on twitter about whether you are Team Simon or Team Jack. Or Team Both, which is my preference. Quite a lot of you are Team Clive…

To celebrate this fine festive season, I wanted to think outside the gift box a little, shake things up a bit. So 12 Days of Wallbanger is coming chickens. We’re spending time with great book bloggers like The Book Vixen, Fiction Vixen, and SmexyBooks. We’re mixing it a up a bit with lifestyle and humor bloggers like Angie at A Whole Lot of Nothing/Smut Book Club and Brittany at BrittanyHerself.com.

But the most fun? The actual giveaways. All Wallbanger themed. All Simon and Caroline inspired.

Barefoot Contessa cookbooks? Yup, with my notes all over them about my favorites. Apple Pie and Zucchini Bread recipe from yours truly? We got ‘em, along with deep dish pie pan and my favorite non stick bread tins. A copy of The Exorcist, a Kindle, and my favorite authors have even donated signed copies of my favorite of their books! Oh yeah, we got a KitchenAid Mixer. Want to snuggle up under a retro 70′s style afghan? Pea Green and Harvest gold, this wonderfully terrible afghan was custom made by MY MOTHER this summer just for you and yours. So make sure you look for this banner and follow the hash tag #12DaysofWallbanger on Twitter.

And in case you missed it, here are MY visions in MY head of MY Caroline and Simon. Hope you enjoy!

Watch this space for the full calendar of giveaways, here’s to a Wallbanger Holiday Season. And if you loved Wallbanger, The Unidentified Redhead, or The Redhead Revealed, please consider gifting it to a friend this year! Kindle makes it so easy, just click on “give as a gift” and all you need is their email.

Deck the halls with bangs and meow meows…



Best. Day. Ever.

Oh chickens, it’s finally here. To say this has been a long time coming is just beating a dead pun. *grabs bat and whacks away* I can’t tell you how happy I am to share this book with you all. It makes me warm and tingly in all my parts. Did you see there’s a whole new page on the site just for Wallbanger! Look above you, click on Books then the Wallbanger drop down (or click here). Inspiration pics, a Big Band soundtrack and some early reviews. Go ahead and look, I’ll be here….ok back? Great!

I have to get a little sentimental for a moment, because like all things, it takes a village. And while I am the Head Idiot of this very Village, if I may be permitted a moment to throw down some shout outs and some thank yous.

This book means a lot to me. As I told a friend this morning, while I know I am supposed to be able to get validation from the inside, sometimes we all need a pat on the back. A “great job” a “you made me laugh so hard I peed” kind of thing. You all loving Wallbanger. This makes me so very happy. It’s a scary thing sometimes, taking something that you love and letting it go. And while I was chomping at the bit to get it out there for you all to read, I was still nervous. Would you like it? Would you buy it? Would you stone me? Or just try and get me stoned? And through it all, there was my Village, supporting me and propping me up, getting me drunk and trying to marry me off. So a word to my Village.

Thank you Angie Lynch, for being my internet biotch and talking me down off every computer ledge. Your pimping is rock star.

Thank you to Brittany Gibbons, for inspiring me to wear jeggings and to agreeing to come into my Airstream.

Thank you to Jennifer Probst, Tiffany Reisz, Michelle Leighton, Ruthie Knox, Stacia Kane, Laura Kaye. You guys are like, real authors dude, and you talk to me. I can’t even…

To my Filet’s, a secret group of authors that help me daily…I love you guys;)

To Sarah M. Glover for telling me I have a voice.

To Debra Anastasia for being the dirtiest cheerleader I know. I love you Disgusto.

To my besties Keili Lefkovitz and Ashley Iglehart, who I have the pleasure of playing with on Not Your Mother’s Podcast. And I love them so hard, especially Keili because she is letting her brother marry me.

To Kassiah for the most beautiful website ever! She always knows exactly what I need.

To my editor Jessica, whom I have known since 4th grade. It’s tempting to think because I’ve known her for so long that she would go easy on, but nope. She is the ONLY person who can manage me, and I need a lot of managing. She also lets me begin every phone conversation lately with laser sound effects “pio pio, pio pio pio”

To my publicist Enn Bocci, who is my taco for life. She works her ass off, she lets me text her at midnight, and if Wallbanger makes the best seller list, I am taking her ass to Spain. You heard it here folks…

And finally to the Nuts Girls, to the BangerNation, to the chickens everywhere who came back out of the woodwork to play with this story again, thank you. Thank you for reading this when it was our favorite bronze haired boy, thank you for pimping it, thank you getting IT and ME and enjoying the ridiculous with me for years. It’s amazing for me when I can connect with you through Twitter, through Facebook, through emails, through reviews, and we can share this common brand of silly. I feel like this belongs to all of us, so thank you for riding this crazy train.

And to all the new chickens, Welcome to the Crazy. We are just getting started. Mother fucking Have Boobs Will Travel is next yo…fire up your trailers and gird your loins. I’m rolling with Grunberg now…and paying him off with homemade rugelach. Stay tuned for the details on how you can party with the #haveboobswilltravel crew in Los Angles this January.

We hit #1 today on Amazon’s Movers and Shakers. Where it goes from here it almost irrelevant (film deal, please) because this day is ours. It’s our time. It’s our time, down here. And that’s all over once you ride up Troy’s bucket.

So now that the schmaltz is through, I am dying to know. Now that some of you have begun to read Wallbanger, who do you think is MY Wallbanger? Did your choice change now that you are getting to know him? Is it:

Ryan Reynolds?

Jensen Eckles?

Bradley Cooper?

I can’t wait to tell you which one is MY pick…but I didn’t want to reveal until you read, never like to have someone tell me in advance, know what I mean?

OK chickens, that’s all for now. Let’s enjoy this day, I know I will. Your Idiot thanks you.



So Who Is Sweet Caroline?

I had so much fun with all of your guesses about who was my Simon, now we’re gonna give our girl some love. See if you can guess who MY Caroline is. Here’s the dish on our girl:

Caroline Reynolds

She’s 26, is one of the hottest young interior designers in San Francisco, has the coolest cat in town, and bakes like someone is going to take away her KitchenAid mixer. She’s sassy, classy, and wants to knock Simon on his assy. She’s a leggy blonde with a great body and gives great banter. She’s got a weakness for big band music, and although incredibly sexy, has been without an orgasm for eleventy billion years. Or a few months. But who’s counting? She’s also got a girl boner for George Clooney.

Click back a few days to reread the teaser I posted when Simon and Caroline bake an apple pie, and you’ll get a better idea of who she is. Just like with my male leads it is IMPERATIVE that my female leads be AS funny as they are sexy. Knowing this, who do you think is MY Caroline?

Is she Blake Lively?

Is she Jennifer Lawrence?

Is she Kate Hudson?

OK hit me. Tell me who you think I think is MY Caroline! Leave me a comment or send me a tweet to @alice_clayton.

And don’t forget about the WALLBANGER giveaway, make sure you send your copy of your receipt if you purchase on 11.27 and send a copy of the receipt to ennbocci@omnificpublishing.com so you can be entered to win a Kindle Fire!!

Talk soon chickens,



He’s Coming In 11 Days…

WALLBANGER is coming.

While we’re waiting patiently, I want to know who you think my Simon looks like. Do you think he looks like Ryan Reynolds, Jensen Ackles, or Bradley Cooper? Visit my last post to see the images of my favorite wallbanger and see how you can enter to win a Kindle Fire!

Coming very soon, you can pick who MY Caroline looks like.

Stay tuned…

 



A Wallbanger Giveaway, A Preview, & Who Is Simon?

Hey everyone! Lots of exciting news and nonsense today, so let’s throw it all at the wall and see what sticks.

Only 2 weeks until you get your first taste of WALLBANGER. In the hopes that you get your copy on release day, I have an awesome giveaway! Purchase WALLBANGER (either Kindle, Nook, Kobo, or print form) on 11.27 and be entered to win a Kindle Fire. Just send a copy or screen pic of your receipt to enn [at] omnificpublishing [dot] com with the subject “WALLBANGER Receipt.” How great is that?!

Since we still have 2 weeks to go, I thought we could play a little game where you guys get to come inside my brain. Scary proposition right? Don’t worry, you won’t get lost. Not much up there but some old pictures of Jake Ryan and new shots of Michael Fassbender. Mmm, Fassbender…I digress.

I’m going to introduce you to the cast of WALLBANGER, and you get to try and figure out who I see in these roles. We’re gonna start with Simon, so let’s meet him finally, shall we?

Simon Parker.

He’s 28, travels the world as a photographer, makes a mean meatball, and has a killer sense of humor. Dark hair, wicked grin, tall and lean with speedbump abs. Outdoorsy and athletic, he’s got a soft spot (read: hard) for women of all shapes and sizes, and has a collection of old big band records.

To help you figure out who Simon is a bit, here’s a little taste of Simon and Caroline from WALLBANGER:

I shook my head at the sight of Simon in a black T-shirt and weathered jeans. He was in his stocking feet once again, and I marveled at how at ease he seemed in my kitchen.
I walked around the kitchen counter and picked up my rolling pin. “You know, I won’t think twice about whacking you over the head with this if you continue this borderline sexual harassment,” I warned, running my hand up and down the rolling pin suggestively.
“I’m gonna have to ask you not to do that if you’re serious about me peeling apples here,” he said, eyes widening.
“I never joke about pie, Simon.” I sprinkled a little more flour on the marble.
He was silent while he watched me pat out the pie crust, breathing through his mouth. “So, what are you gonna do with that?” he asked, his voice low.
“With this?” I asked, leaning over the board, and perhaps arching my back a little as I did.
“Mmm-hmm,” he replied.
“I’m gonna roll this crust out. See, like this?” I teased again, thrusting the pin back and forth over the dough, making sure I arched my back each time and the forward action pushed my girls together.
“Oh my,” he whispered, and I grinned naughtily at him.
“You gonna be okay over there, big guy? This is just the top crust, I still need to work on my bottom,” I said over my shoulder.
His hands clutched at the edge of the counter. “Apples. Apples. Gonna peel me some apples,” he told himself and turned away toward the colander filled with apples in the sink.
“Let me just get you the peeler,” I said, coming up behind him and pressing myself against him as I curled around his side to grab the vegetable peeler from the other sink. This was fun.
“Peeling apples, just peeling apples. Didn’t feel your boobs. No, no, not me,” he chanted as I openly laughed at him.
“Here, peel this,” I said, taking pity on him and removing myself from his cooking space. I might have sniffed his T-shirt.
“Did you just sniff me?” he asked, keeping himself turned away.
“I might have,” I admitted, going back to my rolling pin, which I squeezed mightily.
“I thought so.”
“Hey, if you can sniff, I can sniff,” I shot back, taking out my sexual frustration on a defenseless Pâte Brisée.
“Only fair. So how do I rate?”
“Good. Very good, actually. Downy?”
“Bounce. I lost my Downy ball,” he confessed.
I laughed, and we continued to roll and peel. Within 15 minutes, we had a bowlful of peeled and sliced apples, a perfectly rolled-out pie crust, and we’d both consumed our first glass of wine.

Knowing that I need my male leads to be as funny as they are sexy, which of these 3 hotties is MY WALLBANGER?

Is it Ryan Reynolds?

Is it Jensen Ackles?

Is it Bradley Cooper?

What say you folks? Leave a comment and send me a tweet. Who is MY WALLBANGER?


Last but most certainly not least, some of you may have seen my news about the new project I am working on; a whole new set of adventures for me. Partnering with actor Greg Grunberg, blogger Brittany Gibbons, and my bestie since college, actress Keili Lefkovitz, we are filming a new travel show centered around women in their 30′s hurtling towards their 40′s, who refuse to stop being silly. Zip lining, haunted house hunting, fish taco eating (ahem), the ladies and I will set out to show you how to travel with your girlfriends and have the best time ever, with Greg along for the ride to try to keep us out of trouble. Good luck with that Greg. Seriously, this Charlie is going to have his hands full with these 3 Angels.

We start filming in January, and we want YOU to be involved. YOU will get to help shape this new adventure. From its inception Have Boobs Will Travel (how great is that name?) has always been about getting out there and playing with our readers, viewers, listeners, all of you Nuts Girls out there that want to play hard and party even harder.

Details will be on their way soon, but I couldn’t wait to tell you about this exciting new project. Make sure you are following all of us on Twitter @greggrunberg, @brittanyherself, and @keili_lefkovitz. Look for #haveboobswilltravel to watch the insanity unfold.

WALLBANGER comes in 2 weeks, and I have never been more excited to share a book with you guys. I’m pinching myself right now I’m so happy, and I pinch hard btw. Just saying.

And if you haven’t already read my Redhead books, what are you waiting for?

The Unidentified Redhead
The Redhead Revealed



Wallbanger, The Cover

Psst…Hey, you. Yeah you.

Here’s what you’ve been waiting for.

Your first glimpse at Wallbanger

November 27th is just around the corner! He’s coming.

Mmmmmm…



Wallbanger. He’s Coming…

Well, we’re finally here. I can finally tell you all about my new novel which will be releasing November 27th, 2012. The title? Wallbanger. Mmhmm. Here’s a sneak peek at the summary:

Caroline Reynolds has a fantastic new apartment in San Francisco, a KitchenAid mixer, and no O (and we’re not talking Oprah here, folks). She has a flourishing design career, an office overlooking the bay, a killer zucchini bread recipe, and no O. She has Clive (the best cat ever), great friends, a great rack, and no O.

Adding insult to O-less, since her move, she has an oversexed neighbor with the loudest late-night wallbanging she’s ever heard. Each moan, spank, and–was that a meow?–punctuates the fact that not only is she losing sleep, she still has, yep, you guessed it, no O.

Enter Simon Parker. (No, really, Simon, please enter.) When the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. Their late-night hallway encounter has, well, mixed results. Ahem. With walls this thin, the tension’s gonna be thick…

In her third novel, Alice Clayton returns to dish her trademark mix of silly and steamy. Banter, barbs, and strutting pussycats, plus the sexiest apple pie ever made, are dunked in a hot tub and set against the gorgeous San Francisco skyline in this hot and hilarious tale of exasperation at first sight.

I can’t tell you how excited I am to bring this story out and into the world! It’s a story that I so genuinely love and adore, and I’m really interested to see what you think. You all know I love my silly and my steamy, and this one’s got it all over the place and tucked up into the corners. We’ve got a few months to go before you can actually read it, but there will be all sorts of exciting things here on the blog to make the time go by faster.

And speaking of exciting things, The Redhead Series is blowing up like gangbusters! I participated in my very first live Twitter chat last week, and we even got #SweetNuts to trend! I’m told this is a big deal, as usually this space is reserved for Bieber Fever. So let’s make SweetNuts go global. If you’ve enjoyed The Unidentified Redhead and The Redhead Revealed, make sure you pop over to Amazon and leave it a quick review, if you’d be so kind.

OK chickens, that’s it for now. Keep checking in as there will be more news to come on all things Wallbanger. Damn I love saying that…





Welcome!

Hello everyone!

Welcome to our new home! All new Alice blog, all new fun times. It’s been an exciting few months, and I’m so pleased to be able to bring you the new and improved aliceclayton.com. BIG BIG thanks to CreativeB for the wonderful new site, and thanks to K for never throwing me through a plate glass window when I ask for something extra. Some of your old favorites are still here, The Redhead Series Soundtrack, the inspiration pics, as well as easier links to Not Your Mother’s Podcast as well as some of my other favorite sites.

As we were working on this new site for you, I admit that I have not been as bloggy as I would have hoped to be. But that’s all going to change, because I’m here to play. For good. More and more readers are becoming fans of our old pals Jack and Grace, in no small part to some new friends from the blog-o-sphere. Make sure you check out Angie over at A Whole Lot of Nothing and Brittany at Brittany. Herself. These ladies are SERIOUSLY funny, have very interesting things to say, and oh yeah, they’re my new besties. So get thee there.

They also work on a lovely little blog at CurvyGirl Guide . Great information, tips, tricks, topical issues, and wait, what’s that? They asked me to write something about sexy funny women? Heeheehee…
Not Your Mother’s Podcast continues, still having a blast working with my other two besties Keili and Ashley. Make sure you check out our most recent episodes, Keili tells us all about her terrible life working on a movie with Mark Wahlberg and The Rock. Sucks to be her, yep.

And in writing news, you’ll be glad to know that Book 3 in The Redhead Series is FINALLY almost ready to go. Look for it Spring 2013. The good news is I have another new book coming out this November, all new characters, all new story, same brand of crazy. I think you’ll be pleased.

So thanks for sticking with me, thanks for reading and telling your friends about the series and the podcast and genuinely keeping the faith. Lots in store chickens, hold on to yer hats. And yer pants. Hold on to ‘em both, we’re on the way.